Important Question # 1 : How Do I Eat?

Despite the plethora of dickchickens in town, Williamsburg Brooklynites do have to buy food sometimes. It’s a difficult thing to admit for certain members of this eating class. Plus, half the people I spoke to said their mother does their shopping. Nonetheless, after a day of talking up the town on groceries, I’ve learned a couple of things:

1.Williamsburg is brimming with run of the mill corner stores and semi-pretentious organic food shops. Mom and pop reign, and mom and pop will not hesitate to rip you off. While I have developed an odd affinity for the sweltering heat, seemingly dead cat, and strangely aloof store clerk at Zam Zam Candy and Grocery, that bodega is not enough to sustain my hunger. One must trek to the grocery store.

(Zam Zam's Cat, apparently alive and well.)

2.The only person exempt from lesson #1 is the Thursday afternoon bartender at the Charleston, who claims “I stop in bodegas wherever … or I just don’t eat.” Too bad for him. For those of you who do enjoy food, the Charleston has a sweet deal: Buy one drink, get one pizza. It’s that simple. In fact, this deal is all over town, ensuring I’ll eat approximately 9.7 pizzas a month.

3.Never mind groceries. The six polish widows clustered around a stoop on my block think getting a movie house is the most critical issue facing Williamsburg. Lobby points aside, they’re also totally down with the Key Foods on McGuinness Boulevard because it’s the “most modern” in town.

4.Always trust the polish widows.

5.Going on a big shopping trip to a major grocery store once or twice a month is your best bet. It’s better to walk than take a train, and getting a granny cart to push all those bags around is definitely worthwhile. Just don’t get it stolen, like the girl I met leaving the East River State Park.

a.Get a car.

6.Hopping into bodegas and corner stores for a few quick things is a pretty sweet trade off on price and convenience. Plus Bedford Fruit and Vegetables has a decent produce selection.


7.Going out can lead to cheap food. I snagged a $5 BBQ plate at Hope Bar on Wednesday. Today I got an amazing tostada from Yola’s Café for $3.50. There’s no sign of stopping.


8. Don’t scope out grocery stores on a 94 degree day.

Next question: Anyone want to share a Costco membership?