Important Question #3: Who is that Funny Ass Dude?

Hannibal Buress graced the Royal Oak with his presence last night at a free comedy show. Originally from Chicago, Buress has been living in Williamsburg since October. The soon-to-be SNL writer was a humble crowd warmer for a terrible main act, and hands down stole the show with a 15 minute set of pure comic genius.

After the show I caught up with Buress and asked him (among other things) to tell me an elaborate poop joke, which he’s rumored to be working on. The 26-year old comedian laughed when I asked.

"I was just goofing off, but then some news papers picked that up and actually put that as a quote... I have to watch what I put on twitter."

Bummer. I don’t know what it says about me, but I think the “elaborate poop joke” concept had brilliant possibilities.

While you won’t find any jokes about poop, expect to hear plenty of Buress’ perfectly dry delivery and out-of-the-box musings about anything from hiking and dog training to suits and apple juice, which, he says, can momentarily eliminate racism.

"I love apple juice in all forms and prices, lots of brands, paper cups, plastic cups, glasses, flasks. I carry a flask of apple juice."

If you’re a fan of laughing and get a chance, be sure to go see Buress live. I don't want to give it all away, but here are some (frustratingly sideways) highlights from the show:



Also, hats off to the other stand-ups who came to warm the crowd, David Cope and Marly Halpern-Graser. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have even stayed to see Buress go on.

One more thing, overheard at the bar:
"The cop was like, 'Do you guys have any drugs, alcohol or weapons?' and we were like, 'Shit. We have all of those things.'"

Important Question #2 : Where Can I Find a Teapot That is Also a Train?

Answer: At Fratelli Pizza on Grand St.

Check out the unbridled enthusiasm on that kid.

Boston Comes to Brooklyn!

You Can be as Wesley rolled through the city last night to play at the Trash Bar. Aside from the thrill of knowing more than three people in town for a night, I was also pleased to find another great deal: Pay eight bucks to get into the show, and bask (or drown?) in open bar glory from 8 to 9pm. Bask and drown we did, and the music was acceptable too.

I also scoped out a catchy band from Williamsburg, Ambassadors. Even better, they're working under Rethink Pop Music, a highly respectable organization trying to save the music industry by allowing artists total creative freedom without all the major label bull shit. Rock on.

Oh, and look who else I found:

Important Question # 1 : How Do I Eat?

Despite the plethora of dickchickens in town, Williamsburg Brooklynites do have to buy food sometimes. It’s a difficult thing to admit for certain members of this eating class. Plus, half the people I spoke to said their mother does their shopping. Nonetheless, after a day of talking up the town on groceries, I’ve learned a couple of things:

1.Williamsburg is brimming with run of the mill corner stores and semi-pretentious organic food shops. Mom and pop reign, and mom and pop will not hesitate to rip you off. While I have developed an odd affinity for the sweltering heat, seemingly dead cat, and strangely aloof store clerk at Zam Zam Candy and Grocery, that bodega is not enough to sustain my hunger. One must trek to the grocery store.

(Zam Zam's Cat, apparently alive and well.)

2.The only person exempt from lesson #1 is the Thursday afternoon bartender at the Charleston, who claims “I stop in bodegas wherever … or I just don’t eat.” Too bad for him. For those of you who do enjoy food, the Charleston has a sweet deal: Buy one drink, get one pizza. It’s that simple. In fact, this deal is all over town, ensuring I’ll eat approximately 9.7 pizzas a month.

3.Never mind groceries. The six polish widows clustered around a stoop on my block think getting a movie house is the most critical issue facing Williamsburg. Lobby points aside, they’re also totally down with the Key Foods on McGuinness Boulevard because it’s the “most modern” in town.

4.Always trust the polish widows.

5.Going on a big shopping trip to a major grocery store once or twice a month is your best bet. It’s better to walk than take a train, and getting a granny cart to push all those bags around is definitely worthwhile. Just don’t get it stolen, like the girl I met leaving the East River State Park.

a.Get a car.

6.Hopping into bodegas and corner stores for a few quick things is a pretty sweet trade off on price and convenience. Plus Bedford Fruit and Vegetables has a decent produce selection.


7.Going out can lead to cheap food. I snagged a $5 BBQ plate at Hope Bar on Wednesday. Today I got an amazing tostada from Yola’s Café for $3.50. There’s no sign of stopping.


8. Don’t scope out grocery stores on a 94 degree day.

Next question: Anyone want to share a Costco membership?

Who is Dickchicken?

As a brand new NYC resident (I won't dare say "New Yorker") plopped down in the heart of Williamsburg, this is one of many questions left to be answered… And a pretty shameless ploy to get attention.

Other Important Questions

• Why does a pack of cigarettes cost more than my daily groceries?
• What’s everybody’s beef with the G train?
• Who’s the guy biking around sporting a purple onesie and faux hawk?
• Should I sport a purple onesie and faux hawk?
• Will a purple onesie and faux hawk get me into a warehouse party?
• And most importantly, what the hell am I doing here?

Watch as I fumble my way through figuring out this place… so you don't have to.